Understanding Cyberviolence in Intimate Teen Relationships: Wrap-Up & Resources Shared

We would like to thank our parents for attending our information session on “Cyberviolence in Intimate Teen Relationships.” A huge thank you as well to our guest presenter Lise Poupart from the Association Québécoise Plaidoyer-Victimes, who has worked in the field of criminal victimization for the past 30 years

Lise shared some great information, resources and tools with our group of parents. She spoke about demystifying cyberviolence, pointing out that in Québec:

Three out of four teenagers between 14 and 18 have been involved in an intimate relationship.
50% of young couples between 14 and 18 have not yet had sexual relations.
80% of young couples say that their partner encourages their projects.
83% of teenagers between 14 and 18 say they have been attracted to people of the opposite sex, 11% to both sexes, 5% are questioning their sexuality and 1% are attracted to members of their own sex.
One out of five girls are sexting.
No less than 35% of adolescents in a couple relationship are experiencing cyberviolence.

Lise went on to discuss how to help your child if they are a victim of violence, highlighting some of the pitfalls to avoid such as downplaying the situation, believing that only girls are victims of violence, waiting to know and see everything, and blaming the victim. She also shared the importance of reporting the violence and supporting your child when meeting with the police and during court proceedings.

Many of the parents were curious about the impact that cyberviolence could have on their child and the long-terms effects. As Lise explained: obviously, no one would ever wish cyberviolence on any adolescent, but as challenging as it may be, a teen who has gone through the experience of being subjected to cyberviolence in a dating relationship will have learned some very important lessons that will stay with them all their lives:

Knowing they are not alone. Realizing that the presence and compassion of parents, close family and friends will be a positive force in their future.
Showing courage in dealing proactively with a violent situation is a source of great pride.
Taking action in a problem situation makes teens feel less powerless and more confident in their abilities. Examples: talking about the experience to friends, relatives, school administration, calling the police, testifying in court… all of these actions contribute to putting a stop to the violence, showing that young victims are intent on protecting themselves, that they do not deserve to be treated that way and are prepared to take the necessary steps to regain control of their life.
Overcoming a difficult situation and appropriating power. Young victims learn that they have the necessary resources to deal with very serious problems.
Learning to recognize one’s strengths and limits. Understanding, for example, that a person can’t do everything on their own and that it’s sometimes necessary to ask for help.
Identifying their needs in the context of an intimate relationship. Better understanding what they need in order to be happy and appreciated by another person will prove very useful when they are ready to embark on a new relationship.

Lise explained that prevention was key and reminded parents of the following key points:

Accept that you will sometimes have to trade in your role of authority for that of an advisor or counsellor. Teenagers need to assert themselves. They want their parents to listen to their opinions and respect their preferences.
Learn how to negotiate with your teen. State your expectations clearly, but leave room for compromise in areas that are less of a priority for you.
Stay informed. Finding out more about adolescence, young people’s sexuality and cyberviolence will help you deal with your teenager and provide them with the support they need.
Your child needs you. Show that you are ready to listen and stock up on patience and good humour.

Resources shared during the information session: